By Project Alert
Meeting Ola was one
very weird occurrence. I had gone out to buy a recharge card that evening a few
blocks away from my house and was coming back full of smiles because I couldn’t
wait to finish the chat I was having with my best friend Bisi when I ran out of
airtime on my phone. I was heading home when a black Toyota Avalon brushed me
off the road and I fell into the gutter. I remember the roar of laughter that
came out of different shops on the street as I stood in the gutter, looking
confused. I believe people laughed at me hysterically because for years, I had
held the title of “the undisputed street snob”. No one offered to help me out
of the gutter as they were more consumed with laughter than paying attention to
my plight.
Then out of the car, a
handsome hunk stepped out. One look at his smile and all the anger I had pent
up for him disappeared. He was a sweet-looking young man, you know that kind of
guy that shuts you up with his appearance because you would rather just look at
him than utter a word. Then he began, “Hi. I’m Ola. I’m so sorry about this.” I
was too carried away to hear other things he said. He gave me a hand, offered
to take me home to clean-up and then go shopping in one of the finest boutiques
in town. Ola was so kind to me that day. For the first time in my life, I
actually enjoyed falling into the gutter because it gave me the chance to meet
my Prince charming. It’s not every day you meet a man who is really
good-looking. We exchanged numbers that day and became friends.
Ola told me he was an
IT consultant, he had his own company and was very successful for a 27-year old
young man. He had a house at Ikoyi with a garage that housed three other exotic
cars. He was the kind of man every woman dreams of and he was in love with me.
Within six months into our relationship, he proposed and I accepted his
proposal with both hands. Everything was going smoothly until I moved in with
him.
After one week of
living in his house, the truth began to unfold. I discovered Ola was not your
regular IT consultant; he was an internet fraudster who hacked into people’s
account to defraud them. He was also a drug addict and had a habit of
patronizing strip clubs. The Ola I lived with was definitely not the sweet Ola
I met and fell in love with. He snaps at me at every slight provocation and has
beaten me up severally. But the thing I love about him is his ability to
apologize and make up for his mistakes.
The last time he gave
me a black eye, he took me to Paris just to say he is sorry. He’s so sweet and
I am so in love that I am beginning to get used to living with a bad guy. Ola
has promised to change once we get married. He says I am the only one that can
change him and I believe him. Besides our wedding is close and it’s too late to
call off the wedding. I will marry him and pray he changes.
Every day, we see women whose lives are similar to this lady’s
story. Many women stoop very low to accept marriage proposals from men who batter
them even before they say “I do”.
Ladies, you can’t change a man simply because you are his
girlfriend or wife. A man that has formed habits over the years usually doesn’t
transform over night because he loves you. Your wedding day is not a day of
transformation. If a man smokes, drinks, womanizes, beats women, spends
recklessly, is addicted to drugs and other harmful vices, there is no guarantee
he will suddenly change because he is now a married man. What you see is what
you get. Domestic violence will reduce if ladies will take their destiny in
their hands and choose their husbands wisely.
Project Alert is a non-governmental human rights organization established in 1999 to protect and promote the rights of women and young girls in the society, especially their rights to live free from all forms of violence against them. Our areas of intervention are Research and Documentation (R&D), Human Rights Education (HRE) and Support Services Program (SSP) which includes legal aid, temporary shelter services for abused women, counselling, and skills acquisition training. Follow us on twitter @Projectalertvaw and connect with us on Facebook: Project Alert on violence against women | Our website
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Culled From Bella
Naija.
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